Things To Do
(Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Sunday)
1. Avoid drowning sorrows in the insalubrious institutions of Diet Coke and Jolly Ranchers.
2. Reorganize closet. Refrain from anthropomorphizing contents thereof so they may be properly disposed of. (For example: the Hallmark Woodstock with Shamrock™ is a lifeless hunk of polyester. It cannot think, feel, or beg for mercy as I throw it into a trash bag. The Woodstock with Shamrock™ is not a sentient being.)
3. Look at cell phone resentfully when it doesn’t ring, but aggressively screen calls on the rare occasions it actually does.
4. Use ironing as a means of finding inner calm. Appreciate the zen of laundry.
5. Sharpen wit.
6. Think of something to write for blog in an attempt to beat the infamous two entry curse. (Possibilities: Why I Am So Incredibly Freaking Sick Of Seeing Commercials For "Little Man" on TV; There Is Absolutely No Excuse For Not Correctly Punctuating Text Messages; The Phenomenology of Dumbassery; Ramen Noodles Are The Misunderstood Geniuses Of The Snack Food Aisle.)
7. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
